Titan cooties
by Ahai
Summary: Mike is sick with a stuffed nose, much to his dismay. The others know its just a simple flu, but Hanji thinks its something from titan bacteria. She wants to get a certain intimate sample, which Mike refuses to give her. Although Hanji is denied this sample, it doesnt stop her to get it on her own.


An odd sound was heard. Mike sniffed, with a pretty dry and red nose, at the surroundings. This odd sound came from him. As his nose was moving while sniffing, the sound came. The look Mike made showed he was in some sort of despair. Petra noticed.

"What is the matter, Mike?" She asked.

"My nose…I can't smell anything!" Mike exclaimed.

Not only did he look really worried, the way he looked like made people worried. Despite his red nose, Mike was also really pale and he was sweating. Petra put her hand to his forehead.

"You are running a fever! You must rest till you get well again" Petra said.

"I can't rest when my nose isn't working!" Mike said.

"It's just a slight flu, get a grip" Levi said.

The sniffing sound from Mike`s stuffed nose sounded like a flute having its holes blocked by chewing gum. Mike gave up sniffing and sat down on a chair. Hanji was smiling widely at Mike.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Hanji?" Mike asked.

Hanji approached Mike quickly like a spider towards its prey. Mike jumped a bit at Hanji`s sudden action. Hanji inspected Mike, moving her head similar to bird movements.

"Maybe this it's not some flu, maybe this is something from the titans!" Hanji said.

Everybody turned their look at Hanji and Mike was now in a mix of shocked and curious.

"What are you saying, shitty glasses?" Levi said.

"You know how he always sniffs and can smell when titans are coming? Who knows, maybe his sniffing has resulted to inhale some bacteria only the titans have!" Hanji got more and more exited.

"Do titans have bacteria like that?" Erwin asked.

"I don't know, but I want to find out!" Hanji said.

Hanji plucked a hair strand from Mike`s head and a bristle from his beard, stuffed a cloth in his mouth and withdrew it right away and scraped Mike`s sweat licked forehead with a piece of a 3DMG's sword and put the scraped off skin in a little box and his few drops of his blood in another box. She gathered all this in a little bag.

"Hair sample, beard sample, saliva sample, skin sample, blood sample…." Hanji mumbled.

Hanji looked in the bag as if there was something missing. Hanji looked up and down at Mike`s body.

"Mike, can you give me a semen sample?" Hanji asked.

The people around gasped in surprise and Oluo bit his tongue.

"What did you just say?" Mike asked, him being the one most surprised.

"Well, I want as many samples as I can get. Men have semen and I want to have a sample of that to see if any titan bacteria can end up there"

The other people tried to convince Hanji it was just a simple flu. But Hanji didn't listen to them and tried to make Mike give her a semen sample, which he refused to do.

"Not only is she crazy, she is a pervert too" Oluo said to Petra.

Petra rolled her eyes.

"Says the man who bit his tongue just by hearing something surprising" She said.

Hanji continued bugging Mike for a semen sample but that was no use, Mike said no every time. Levi butted in to try stopping this "argument".

"Just go and sleep this sickness away, I don't want any dirty bacteria around" Levi said to Mike.

Mike didn't need to be told that twice, he didn't have any energy to do anything. With his nose temporarily inhibited he felt useless and he wanted to get away from Hanji. Mike went towards his room and the others went doing the things they were going to do. Well, all except for Hanji, she was not going to let this go.

"

Late at night Hanji sneaked into Mike`s room. The room was pitch dark and the sound of choked snoring filled the silence plenty. Hanji brought along a candle lamp and a petri dish for the semen. As she now stood next to the man in bed, she wanted to be sure if he really was asleep. She removed the blanket, exposing his bare torso. She looked at his chest to see how his breathing rhythm was. Mike`s chest rose up and down slowly and his audible breathing was pretty slow, he was defiantly asleep. With that, Hanji removed the blanket completely off his body. Mike had pants on, for now.

"All in the cause of science…" Hanji whispered to herself.

Hanji haven't been with boys in any "intimate" circumstances, so she didn't really have any experience. But of course being a grown up, she knew all about "the birds and the bees" and despite how she acts, she was human and had "certain desires". But how it was with Mike she didn't know, that man was pretty quiet and calm all the time. Nonetheless, Hanji wanted to try to get what she wanted in order to find out if he got titan bacteria. So she undid his pants and pulled it down along with his underwear. Hanji made a gasp at the sight.

"Quite a big boy, aren't you?" She exclaimed as quietly as possible.

Hanji had the candle lamp and the lid of the petri dish on the desk next to the bed. She had the petri dish as far on the edge of the desk as possible in order to get it whenever the semen came out. Hanji sat on the edge of the bed and began to rub the penis with her hand. As Mike slightly moaned, Hanji withdrew her hand quickly.

"_Please don't wake up"_ Hanji thought.

Mike shifted a little bit but he remained asleep. After finding out he wasn't conscious, Hanji began rubbing his penis again, starting slowly. As she rubbed a bit harder, Mike made some facial expressions and moaned. Hanji slowed down but didn't stop. Mike didn't wake up, he remained asleep.

"_Looks like he enjoys it… Good"_ Hanji thought.

The moaning was a good sign; Mike was getting closer to his climax. But as Hanji pumped him for a little while, nothing but pre-cum came out.

"Why won't you just cum?" Hanji whispered to Mike and started to get impatient.

As Hanji went into thoughts of "the birds and the bees", she came up with something. She was a bit hesitant at the idea, but she was willing to do anything if she got what she wanted.

"My body for science…"Hanji mumbled.

Hanji took Mike`s hand and placed it inside her shirt so his hand was cupping her bare breast. His hand covered the whole breast, which wasn't surprising with him being tall, he had matching big hands and Hanji had medium sized breasts. Mike moaned even louder.

"Come on now, here is a boob for you to squeeze on" Hanji said.

Hanji was pumping faster and faster as well as she used her other hand to help Mike squeezing her breast. Not long after Mike finally came, the semen squirted like a fountain. Hanji quickly grabbed the petri dish to gather the sticky fluids. She even squished the penis to the petri dish as if she was milking a cow. Hanji was now happy that she got the sample she wanted, although most of it was on her than in the petri dish. Hanji put his underwear and pants back on, covered him with the blanket and went out quickly. As Hanji ran, she couldn't help but to think about how Mike would react or think of waking up in a wet and sticky bed.

"

"Mayor Hanji!"

Hanji turned around and saw Mike approaching her angrily. He was very full of energy this morning. Was he well again already?

"Why did you do this? You can't toy with my body like that!" Mike said.

Hanji knew Mike was asleep during this whole time, so she decided to act as if she didn't know what he was talking about.

"What do you mean?" Hanji asked.

"Don't play innocent; I can smell my semen all over you!"

Hanji looked at her body. After what she did yesterday she could smell his cum on her. Despite that she didn't wash herself afterwards; she was busy doing the analyses of the semen and all the other samples. Since it was Mike`s semen and his "powerful nose" was back, Hanji was revealed and couldn't argue any way out of this.

"I am sorry but I just couldn't let it go, I really wanted a different type of a sample" Hanji said.

"Do you think it's alright to touch my body like that without me knowing?" Mike said.

"Relax, I got you to squeeze my boob so it wasn't all that unilateral"

Mike looked down at his hand.

"So that's why my hand smelled so milky and I dreamt about clouds…" He mumbled.

Hanji didn't feel guilty for her actions; she thought more of it as a duplex favor. She got the sample she wanted and Mike got some pleasure. Hanji saw Mike was glowing out of satisfaction and relief, like as if someone just got a splinter out of a finger.

"Well…What were the results? Was there any titan bacteria?" Mike asked, trying not to be so angry anymore.

Hanji frowned.

"No, it was just a simple flu." Hanji said disappointed.

"So, you found out nothing?"

"I did find out something. That semen of yours is very fertile, so be careful doing women without protection"

Mike shook his head and huffed. He turned around and walked away, he have had enough of Hanji`s shit. Hanji didn't understand what got into him, things ended up good with him while she ended up with nothing.


End file.
